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OOC Constructive Criticism

Discussion in 'Internet Wrestling Titles' started by Juventudinho, Nov 23, 2017.

  1. Juventudinho

    Juventudinho Il Capitano Administrator

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    Alright, since we're getting some traction here, I think it's good to have some constructive help/criticism of promos.

    If you want yours critiqued, post so in here. I just ask for you to put in a spoiler tag so it can be easier to differentiate from other posts.

    Also I don't want any off-topic posts and stuff in here. Let's try to keep it nice and clean so people who need/want help can get it. Cheers.
     
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  2. andie

    andie rockerboy Super Moderator D-Generation X

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    From my promos, anyone wanna give me some CC? Like I know how I wanna write for my character, and I feel like I did so decently. He’s a flashy, self-entitled mobster. Not trying to add any jokes or get much heat with the crowd or anything, just wanna be straight forward and to the point. All while boasting about his associations, and what kinda stuff he owns.
     
  3. Dylan™

    Dylan™ Rookie

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    I'll give a few pointers. First, I'll elaborate from what Roadie said when he didn't expect Kenshi to talk the way he does. "I’m still a baaaaad mothefucker baby", "kiddo". Your guy is recently arrived from Japan right? IMO, you need to get his mobster mentality across without sounding like JTG rather than someone who was in a triad or something of the likes. It's like you completely forgot your guy was Japanese, and just wrote him as a generic gangster. His English seems too...perfectly local.

    Also, I don't think a recently arrived triad gives a shit about who was successful in the old IWT (unless Kenshi was in the old IWT, I don't remember). I just think that, while you may know how you want to write the character, it could be way more authentic than it is right now. Look at Tumbas' promos. Diego Castrone sounds like a Diego Castrone, not like Evan Bourne. You know what I mean?
    ___________________________________________________________________

    I also dressed this in my promo as Tepouri, but I don't really think you can talk about what your family did in Japan to people while also trying to prove that you don't need your family to be successful. If you speak about what KENSHI did himself, then his threats would hold weight. But I don't think mentioning Kenshi's family as a threat is the best way of going about things. Again, just IMO. If you have something planned with regards to the family, then that's fine.

    ___________________________________________________________________

    This is a problem IMO. Not the joking part, because Kenshi is a serious character. But no matter what kind of character you have, there needs to be some element of crowd interaction in there. It's just how it should be. How the audience reacts to your character and how your character treats the audience can be a big part of your character. I assume by "you don't want much heat" is "I don't randomly want to tell the crowd to shut up for the sake of heat", which is good. However, you need to find a way in which Kenshi, as a character, interacts with the crowd. There's now way he can just ignore them entirely. Once again, IMO.

    Hope this helps.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. TUMBAS

    TUMBAS Indie Wrestler Donor D-Generation X

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    I will say I only agree on the Kiddo reference. I too struggled when writing mine, it was a lot less what I had intended it to be, mainly due to the fact I was stoned and wrote on the spot. But yeah I chucked in some amigos which felt like I was spitting on brown skins everywhere but its good to know it was taken well. That's the only real advice I think I have to offer.
     
  5. Dylan™

    Dylan™ Rookie

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    Match - IWT Uprising - Tepouri vs. Kenshi

    I'll take any advice I can get on my promos. I personally disagree with those who said it was too long, however you are the ones voting so I guess I'll have to listen.

    So, who's down to constructively criticise?
     
  6. Indy

    Indy Indie Wrestler

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    Dylan, brother, to be quite honest from me, I don't think there's really anything you can/should ''improve'' from your promos. I've gathered that once you reach a certain level, there's not really anything to criticize from a writing standpoint. I think sometimes you say stuff that more or less feels like gibberish, but that's a part of the gimmick so I don't consider that a bad thing but rather a good thing that you decide to stand out from the usual ''I am best and also I will be champ'' motivation and goal everyone gives himself. So the intention is good but maybe your way of wording it could be better in that way, but that's really the only thing I have for you as far as criticism.

    Also, people having problems with length, it's okay having a long promo as long as you know how to keep someone's attention for that time. It's all about the message within and if you can make every word feel important in a 2000-word promo and keep the readers interested, then there's no issue with a 2000-word promo. However I think something that got people down on the long promos are the RWK/later IWT stuff where everyone just wanted to lengthen their promos with a bunch of nothingness just so that it's longer, Beaver is a prime example of that where he's a really good promo but kinda fucks himself over with wanting to write a certain amount of words every promo which causes him to repeat himself and say nothing of note because of it. If you don't have to say it, don't say it. You don't have that problem, Dylan. In my opinion, there's nothing I or anyone can really tell you that'll make you a better promo because you're already on a very high level.

    P.S: Drawing against Shadow isn't bad at all my brother, I lost against that nigga myself (even though that was due to Gino, Impact, Beaver and all those guys who had a beef with me voting in the match hehe or else I would've won and that bitch knows it)
     
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  7. Indy

    Indy Indie Wrestler

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    Also, let it be known that Dylan's promos together were an average of about 960 words per promo which is less than my first promo in my match against Tsar, which was I think 981 words or something like that. Dylan's promo looks longer because he leaves a lot of space in-between his lines, but in reality, my promo was longer so if there are guys that didn't vote for Dylan because of that specific reason, it looks like I'm fucked as well :/
     
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  8. TUMBAS

    TUMBAS Indie Wrestler Donor D-Generation X

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    Less is always more. This is one of the most crucial things when you want people to actually read promos. Kenshi was quite literally the perfect length to read and understand, and as Indy said, not once did Kenish trip up or repeat himself. It made Kenshi seem more quick and more witty in his promo as apposed to yourself who was more rambling and ranting against him, not to take away from your promo.

    Quite simply you didn't get my vote because Kenshi's felt like the cleaner, wittier and better performance from the matchup.
     
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  9. TUMBAS

    TUMBAS Indie Wrestler Donor D-Generation X

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    It's not to be said a long promo isn't going to win. I personally say it would depend more on everything else happening in the match. Tepouri was definitely the more creative, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I did with Kenshi's. It isn't the length of your promo that necessarily matters, its how it relates to your opponents.

    You are still supposed to be out doing them in a one on one promo. Having a cool character isn't going to get you a win if the other dude can trump you into a corner. It's all about the performance and translating a feel to the person reading to try and get you the winning edge.
     
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  10. AidsJohnson

    AidsJohnson Indie Wrestler

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    My part was always to remember one thing at the end of the day.
    [​IMG]
     
  11. Juventudinho

    Juventudinho Il Capitano Administrator

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    you shitfaced again?
     
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  12. andie

    andie rockerboy Super Moderator D-Generation X

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    Don’t be rude cunt
     
  13. Indy

    Indy Indie Wrestler

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    I think it just depends with long promos. In the right circumstance, for example a title match, I think having long promos where you put it all on the table are a good thing, as long as you don't make your promo feel like it dragged on. There are 1000-word promos that can feel like 1500/1800-word promos, and there are 1000-word promos that can feel like a 500-word promo. It's just depending on how effective you come across. ''Less is more'' is true, as it kinda relates to what I said with ''if you don't have to say it, don't say it''. There's no reason lengthening your promo for the sake of lengthening your promo *coughs* RWK *coughs AGAIN* because why would you use 3000 words when you've already made your points in the first 1000, it's just effort for the sake of effort. Then again, I've made huge promos in the past and you probably did too during times where we probably didn't have to, but it's all HOW you do it more than THAT you do it. I think anyone can make anything work as long as they know how to bring the message which is the great thing about e-feds because it's all creative freedom BABY
     
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  14. AidsJohnson

    AidsJohnson Indie Wrestler

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    Tomorrow will actually be my 40th day sober breh. So....
    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Indy

    Indy Indie Wrestler

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  16. andie

    andie rockerboy Super Moderator D-Generation X

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  17. Juventudinho

    Juventudinho Il Capitano Administrator

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    I think you wrote your promos very well, but I think a format change can help.

    Big blocks of words are inherently off-putting and make the whole presentation hard to care about.

    There's nothing specific I can point out and say needed/needs work, because you've seemed to have carried over the same promo style and everything from your IWT run. But that's just something I think you could fix up.
     
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  18. Dylan™

    Dylan™ Rookie

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    Anyone wanna give Tepouri v Kenshi 2 a look?
     
  19. Juventudinho

    Juventudinho Il Capitano Administrator

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    Uhhh
     
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