Woeful Writers Extraordinaire: a W.W.E. Soap Opera - Episode 6 *SEASON FINALE*
WOEFUL WRITERS EXTRAORDINAIRE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 6
Rob Van Dam, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Sabu are seated in a smoky room around a round table. The camera spins to each person as he speaks.
LONDON: Duuuuude... this stuff... this stuff is totally the shiiiit...
RVD: Hey man, nothing but the best for (points at self) Rob... Van...
RON SIMMONS: (popping in out of nowhere) DAMN!!!
He just as quickly disappears.
KENDRICK: Duuuude... I swear I just totally saw a black man in here. I thought Vince banned black people. ****ing negroes.
LONDON: You'll have to excuse my friend. He turns into a racist bigot ass hole when he's high.
SABU: ....
RVD: It's cool, man. Just enjoy the hash and feel the loooooove...
KENDRICK: **** love. The only love I'd give those primitives is some **** love. Up their ass!!! I'd SPANKY that ass!!!
LONDON:
Duuuude... you need to shut up. If the lawyers hear you, they'll like... send you to prison to be butt raped.
KENDRICK: That happened before with me and JBL.
RVD: Dude, really?
KENDRICK: YA RLY!
LONDON: NO WAI!
RVD: BUTTSECKS?
KENDRICK: HARDCORE!!!
LONDON: LIEKWOA!
SABU: ...
Suddenly, everyone turns to Sabu.
LONDON: Hey man, why don't you talk?
RVD: He doesn't like to talk. He never did. Never liked to talk at all. Especially in ECW. He was homicidal, genocidal, suicidal, piano recital...
KENDRICK:
You ****ed up like a black man!!!
LONDON: Again, I apologize for my increasingly more attractive friend here.
Suddenly, Sabu breaks down sobbing.
SABU: They made me talk!! Why oh why would they make me talk? I sounded like an idiot making a generic WWE promo!!! (sobs violently)
RVD: (giving Sabu a reassuring pat on the back) There, there, Sabu, there, there. As soon as everything's in place, we're blowing this joint wide and clean and taking it down.
He turns to Kendrick and London.
RVD: I'm not supposed to be telling anyone this, but (his voice dips to a whisper) I'm part of the conspiracy group working to help TNA take over this company!
LONDON: O RLY?
RVD: YA RLY!
KENDRICK: NO WAI!
SABU: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! That was hardly funny the first time!!!! **** this madness!!!!
Sabu dashes out of the lockerroom. Concerned, the other chase after him. Keeping him just barely in sight, they track him to the outside of the arena, where they find him somehow on the parapet of the roof of the arena, apparently about to jump.
RVD: No Sabu! Don't do it! Don't take the suicidal monicker literally!!!
SABU: I can't take it anymore!!! I just can't!!
RVD: Just hold on for a little while longer!!! Just hold on buddy!!
Rob motions to himself out of frustration.
RVD: Dammit, weed's supposed to make him chill and relaxed. How'd he get so whipped up???
KENDRICK: (motioning to London) We'd better get out of here before Rob realizes I laced Sabu's portion with meth.
LONDON:
Brian, you're a bastard, you know that?
KENDRICK: (shrugging) Isn't he like 2% black?
LONDON: Oh will you stop it!!
London and Kendrick run back into the building. They plow Layla and Kristal over in their haste, but being gentlemen, help them back up until Kendrick realizes who they are and promptly drops Layla back on her ass.
KENDRICK: Hell no ain't no way I'm carrying a black woman!!!
LONDON: Sorry about Brian. He's high. Becomes racist bigot. Totally apologize for him. Don't listen to him. Where've you two been?
LAYLA: Um...
KRISTAL: Well....
Quote:
Flashback to Five Minutes Earlier.
CENA: Oh yeah, Oreo sammich, bitches! Or should I say... WHOREO SAMMICH!!!
LAYLA: Yeah, John, gimme!
KRISTAL: Oh yes! Oh yes!! OH YESS!!!!
CENA: CHAIN BANG MOTHA ****A!!!!
LAYLA: Helping with physical therapy. Um, gotta go!
KRISTAL: Ya kthnxbye!
LONDON: What's with all the internet speak tonight? Now that my buzz is wearing off, it's just getting weird.
KENDRICK: Make love to me, Pauly Wally!
LONDON: Oh dear goodness.
Meanwhile, Layla and Kristal continue their haste to leave the arena.
KRISTAL: Can you believe we just did that? I mean, Cena was amazing with his two... yeah... but I feel so skanky!
LAYLA: Yeah, me too. But we can't ever tell anyone about this.
Suddenly, a voice from behind interrupts the two divas.
FLAIR: TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT??? ABOUT THE TIME YOU RODE SPACE MOUNTAIN??? WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
KRISTAL: Ric! I thought you were--
FLAIR: I'M MORE ALIVE THAN EVER!!! SO WHICH ONE OF YOU WAS IT THIS TIME WHO BROUGHT ME BACK?? WAS IT YOU KRISTAL? WAS IT YOU LAYLA?? I KNOW YOU WANT SOME OF THIS WHITE CHOCOLATE!!!
Flair puts his hands over the shoulders of both women and walks them outside, despite their awkward and uncomfortable grimaces.
FLAIR: I COULD USE SOME MORE MOUTH TO MOUTH BACK AT MY HOTEL ROOM TONIGHT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!! WOOO!!!! WOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO--
Suddenly, Sabu plummets onto Flair, driving the Naitch into the ground at an awkward angle and snapping his neck. Rob Van Dam comes sprinting over toward Sabu as the girls look on in horror.
LAYLA: You killed Naitchy!!
KRISTAL: You bastard!!!
RVD: Dude... he totally broke your fall.
SABU: Dammit, I totally botched killing myself!!! Maybe I AM just a spot machine!!!!
RVD: Hey man, it's cool. Tell ya what, lets light up some more, and I'll let YOU drive tonight.
SABU: Really? You'd... let me do that?
RVD: Sure! Anything for Sabu!
SABU: You're a great friend, Rob!
As Rob Van Dam and Sabu walk off, Kristal and Layla discuss the present scene.
KRISTAL: We should go back into the building and tell someone Ric Flair is dead.
LAYLA: Are you crazy? We might run into Cena again and... oh, I wouldn't bear to look at him!
KRISTAL: Layla, it's the right thing to do.
LAYLA: You're right.
They both turn and begin trudging back into the building.
LAYLA: Sometimes, Kristal, I think you're like my personal Jimeny Cricket. Oh hi, Kevin!
THORN: Double duty tonight.
KRISTAL: He's totally creepy.
As the ladies continue on their way, and Kevin Thorn floats toward the corpse of Ric Flair, the camera pans out across the parking lot, scanning across the field of cars until it hones in on one in particular, a beat up old Dodge with a lone figure sitting inside.
FIGURE: (picking up a ringing phone) Yes? Yes, of course Mister Russo. The plan is all in place. The first phase of our takeover will start tonight. They'll never know what hit them! (sinister laugh)
The figure pauses as the other line issues the final commands.
FIGURE: Of course no one suspects me at all. The first phase will be a hit! A total bang! There'll be chaos. Which means our plan is literally gonna be...
A SHOWSTOPPA!!!!!!
Oh ****, I hope nobody was around to hear me or pick up on that intentionally unintentionally intentional clue.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Don't ya just love a cliffhanger??????
WOEFUL WRITERS EXTRAORDINAIRE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 6
Rob Van Dam, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Sabu are seated in a smoky room around a round table. The camera spins to each person as he speaks.
LONDON: Duuuuude... this stuff... this stuff is totally the shiiiit...
RVD: Hey man, nothing but the best for (points at self) Rob... Van...
RON SIMMONS: (popping in out of nowhere) DAMN!!!
He just as quickly disappears.
KENDRICK: Duuuude... I swear I just totally saw a black man in here. I thought Vince banned black people. ****ing negroes.
LONDON: You'll have to excuse my friend. He turns into a racist bigot ass hole when he's high.
SABU: ....
RVD: It's cool, man. Just enjoy the hash and feel the loooooove...
KENDRICK: **** love. The only love I'd give those primitives is some **** love. Up their ass!!! I'd SPANKY that ass!!!
LONDON:
KENDRICK: That happened before with me and JBL.
RVD: Dude, really?
KENDRICK: YA RLY!
LONDON: NO WAI!
RVD: BUTTSECKS?
KENDRICK: HARDCORE!!!
LONDON: LIEKWOA!
SABU: ...
Suddenly, everyone turns to Sabu.
LONDON: Hey man, why don't you talk?
RVD: He doesn't like to talk. He never did. Never liked to talk at all. Especially in ECW. He was homicidal, genocidal, suicidal, piano recital...
KENDRICK:
LONDON: Again, I apologize for my increasingly more attractive friend here.
Suddenly, Sabu breaks down sobbing.
SABU: They made me talk!! Why oh why would they make me talk? I sounded like an idiot making a generic WWE promo!!! (sobs violently)
RVD: (giving Sabu a reassuring pat on the back) There, there, Sabu, there, there. As soon as everything's in place, we're blowing this joint wide and clean and taking it down.
He turns to Kendrick and London.
RVD: I'm not supposed to be telling anyone this, but (his voice dips to a whisper) I'm part of the conspiracy group working to help TNA take over this company!
LONDON: O RLY?
RVD: YA RLY!
KENDRICK: NO WAI!
SABU: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! That was hardly funny the first time!!!! **** this madness!!!!
Sabu dashes out of the lockerroom. Concerned, the other chase after him. Keeping him just barely in sight, they track him to the outside of the arena, where they find him somehow on the parapet of the roof of the arena, apparently about to jump.
RVD: No Sabu! Don't do it! Don't take the suicidal monicker literally!!!
SABU: I can't take it anymore!!! I just can't!!
RVD: Just hold on for a little while longer!!! Just hold on buddy!!
Rob motions to himself out of frustration.
RVD: Dammit, weed's supposed to make him chill and relaxed. How'd he get so whipped up???
KENDRICK: (motioning to London) We'd better get out of here before Rob realizes I laced Sabu's portion with meth.
LONDON:
KENDRICK: (shrugging) Isn't he like 2% black?
LONDON: Oh will you stop it!!
London and Kendrick run back into the building. They plow Layla and Kristal over in their haste, but being gentlemen, help them back up until Kendrick realizes who they are and promptly drops Layla back on her ass.
KENDRICK: Hell no ain't no way I'm carrying a black woman!!!
LONDON: Sorry about Brian. He's high. Becomes racist bigot. Totally apologize for him. Don't listen to him. Where've you two been?
LAYLA: Um...
KRISTAL: Well....
Quote:
Flashback to Five Minutes Earlier.
CENA: Oh yeah, Oreo sammich, bitches! Or should I say... WHOREO SAMMICH!!!
LAYLA: Yeah, John, gimme!
KRISTAL: Oh yes! Oh yes!! OH YESS!!!!
CENA: CHAIN BANG MOTHA ****A!!!!
LAYLA: Helping with physical therapy. Um, gotta go!
KRISTAL: Ya kthnxbye!
LONDON: What's with all the internet speak tonight? Now that my buzz is wearing off, it's just getting weird.
KENDRICK: Make love to me, Pauly Wally!
LONDON: Oh dear goodness.
Meanwhile, Layla and Kristal continue their haste to leave the arena.
KRISTAL: Can you believe we just did that? I mean, Cena was amazing with his two... yeah... but I feel so skanky!
LAYLA: Yeah, me too. But we can't ever tell anyone about this.
Suddenly, a voice from behind interrupts the two divas.
FLAIR: TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT??? ABOUT THE TIME YOU RODE SPACE MOUNTAIN??? WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
KRISTAL: Ric! I thought you were--
FLAIR: I'M MORE ALIVE THAN EVER!!! SO WHICH ONE OF YOU WAS IT THIS TIME WHO BROUGHT ME BACK?? WAS IT YOU KRISTAL? WAS IT YOU LAYLA?? I KNOW YOU WANT SOME OF THIS WHITE CHOCOLATE!!!
Flair puts his hands over the shoulders of both women and walks them outside, despite their awkward and uncomfortable grimaces.
FLAIR: I COULD USE SOME MORE MOUTH TO MOUTH BACK AT MY HOTEL ROOM TONIGHT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!! WOOO!!!! WOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO--
Suddenly, Sabu plummets onto Flair, driving the Naitch into the ground at an awkward angle and snapping his neck. Rob Van Dam comes sprinting over toward Sabu as the girls look on in horror.
LAYLA: You killed Naitchy!!
KRISTAL: You bastard!!!
RVD: Dude... he totally broke your fall.
SABU: Dammit, I totally botched killing myself!!! Maybe I AM just a spot machine!!!!
RVD: Hey man, it's cool. Tell ya what, lets light up some more, and I'll let YOU drive tonight.
SABU: Really? You'd... let me do that?
RVD: Sure! Anything for Sabu!
SABU: You're a great friend, Rob!
As Rob Van Dam and Sabu walk off, Kristal and Layla discuss the present scene.
KRISTAL: We should go back into the building and tell someone Ric Flair is dead.
LAYLA: Are you crazy? We might run into Cena again and... oh, I wouldn't bear to look at him!
KRISTAL: Layla, it's the right thing to do.
LAYLA: You're right.
They both turn and begin trudging back into the building.
LAYLA: Sometimes, Kristal, I think you're like my personal Jimeny Cricket. Oh hi, Kevin!
THORN: Double duty tonight.
KRISTAL: He's totally creepy.
As the ladies continue on their way, and Kevin Thorn floats toward the corpse of Ric Flair, the camera pans out across the parking lot, scanning across the field of cars until it hones in on one in particular, a beat up old Dodge with a lone figure sitting inside.
FIGURE: (picking up a ringing phone) Yes? Yes, of course Mister Russo. The plan is all in place. The first phase of our takeover will start tonight. They'll never know what hit them! (sinister laugh)
The figure pauses as the other line issues the final commands.
FIGURE: Of course no one suspects me at all. The first phase will be a hit! A total bang! There'll be chaos. Which means our plan is literally gonna be...
A SHOWSTOPPA!!!!!!
Oh ****, I hope nobody was around to hear me or pick up on that intentionally unintentionally intentional clue.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Don't ya just love a cliffhanger??????
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